heat / summer / colors

Salam,

i wish you all doin fine, dear readers.

last week was just like literally summer torment i overslept after i studied and bam i woke up and was like ITS SO HOT GOD PLEASE FORGIVE MY SINS!!!
everytime. i. woke up.
because simply the temp was essentially reaching ca 40 degree celcius
yes, #thissummerissohot #literallyhot #heatup #cryinglikeababy
i mean, i really miss you......dear air conditioner :"

my first summer in my new flat and it turns out to be a free sauna because the daylight exposes my walls directly like 12 pm to 7 pm is so far the worst i can remember. even underwear felt too much.
i preferably go to the dept store nearby or bookstore or even the supermarkt because the library is also a torture. but today is beyond fine, the breeze makes me so thankful and the temp drops a bit degrees.
everybody is literally happy with today's weather i guess.

so this summer i rather feel excited because i get my enthusiasm into colors back!
yap i think i used to be a person who maintained the color scheme in my daily outfits, it wasn't that hardcore but at least i tried to have two pieces in the same color range. then this past year i got into the phase which i hate to mix and match colors i just loveeee neutrals, black and grey in particular.
well, i think some reasons why:
1. having 4 seasons makes me feel troublesome in choosing clothes.
especially because i am wearing Hijab. example is when i had a well matched top and trousers but then my top was with some kind of motive, print or ornament, so all i needed was a nice plain shawl but then it wasn't thick enough for winter all i had was a thicker Hijab in same color but it had motive too. so i prefer having all black, kinda easy to combine.
2. i was so nomadic
university things and stuffs i kept moving and i left my treasures somewhere to be picked later up when i got settled, i definitely didn't have the ability to bring a lot. so i chose some neutrals with me for a while i just wore them. definitely satisfying.
3. i was getting minimalist
was getting more and more and more inattentive about colors
4. darks make me feel covered and comfortable

and now voila!
its back.
i am so attracted to colors just exactly like the old days.
i consider purple and turquoise as my most fave color, but then i love the black-grey-white gang. then now pink even yellow and light blue are my current delights.
for God's sake i don't even know why this is happening to me, i always have my all time fave colors and some my current fave colors like, please dear self, isn't that similar to loving all the colors or even having no favorite? it keeps changing duh.
weird.
and yes i think i have also the my-secretive-fave-color, i just realized after seeing so many stuffs i have are basically in this color even if i never consider it as my fave.
can u guess which color is that?

salam!

tujuan

salam,

sudah malam, seharusnya aku sedang belajar atau mungkin baru selesai belajar, tapi tidak keduanya aku jalani. percaya sama aku, aku sudah duduk di belakang meja belajar dari pagi, tapi ya begitulah..
mungkin aku kurang motivasi,
atau kurang beryukur
atau kurang tahu diri
atau kurang mengerti
atau kurang pintar
atau kurang rajin
atau kurang yang lain.
aku belum mengerti kenapa aku harus belajar setengah mati, padahal tidak aku tahu tujuan ini semua dan kadang aku jadi beradu pendapat, tentang pentingnya tujuan.
beberapa percaya bahwa tujuan itu tidak perlu dicari, jalani dan ia akan menemukanmu pada akhirnya. ya, aku mengerti maksud kalian, seiring jalannya waktu gitu kan, atau paling mentok ibarat jalan yang salah membawa kita ke tempat yang benar, kan?
jujur ya, terdengar indah sekali. aku suka.
tapi bagiku, tujuan itu perlu. tujuan adalah kisi-kisi langkah yang sebaiknya aku ambil, adalah semangat dan motivasi. tujuan adalah motor pendorong disaat kaki lelah berlari.
rumit sih perasaanku ini. aku harap kamu jadi aku saja, biar kamu bisa mengerti tanpa perlu aku jelaskan.
tolong deh, bantu aku untuk sadar kalau jalan pikirku salah. bantu aku meluruskannya, ya..
tapi kalau aku salah saja.
tapi kalau benar, gimana?

kamu tahu?
kadang aku hanya ingin mengalah
tapi kadang aku bisa sangat keras kepala.

salam.

tertanda,
aku yang kali ini sebenarnya sedang keras kepala.